Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my being single is dangerous.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
