it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
