God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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