ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize