I think im going to throw up on grandma
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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