Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
