so that wasnt chicken after all
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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