god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
