You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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