Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
