There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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