remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
