He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My bed smells like the plague
You don't make any sense
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