I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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