I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
