nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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