Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
too bad you live with your parents still
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
