so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
