So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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