I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
