I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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