isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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