My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
