Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
