he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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