The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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