made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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