All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
