She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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