Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize