You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize