Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
