I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize