If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize