I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
