we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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