Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize