Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
