Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize