I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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