**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
birth control should be required to get into college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
