Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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