he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
