i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
