I only kidnapped one of them. chill
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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