Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
