If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
