dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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