do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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