she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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