I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
