i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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