i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He passed out mid-signature
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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