she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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