started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
