I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
