i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
