You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
