you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
