this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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