I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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