It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
