So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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