my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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