I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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