guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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