Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sext me about skeletons
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize