dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
please don't ironically join a cult
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