never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
