if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
