Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize