Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
