I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
