you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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