I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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