Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
