I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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