i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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