I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
