the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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