i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Man, jail baloney is awful.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
