batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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