I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
