I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
