Swine flu. Run for my life!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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