You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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