Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it fun? or sober?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
