Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
