Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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