My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
