it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
