Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
