That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
