She's JV to your varsity
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
