What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
