my phone needs a breathalizer
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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