well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
