She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
