oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
