he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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