There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
