whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
