hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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